So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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