The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
