i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
