remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
