Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
