We won't sleep together?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
