Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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