Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
