I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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