My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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