you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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