Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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