I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
