she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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