You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
