I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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