I skipped work to stalk him.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
