??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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