what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
