What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
