he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
