sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
