a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize