if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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