I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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