I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
