Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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