everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
