That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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