I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
