My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
