I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
