glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
