i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
