Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
