I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
