PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
