I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Farmville is her only friend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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