The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
