apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
