I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
