the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
