She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
