Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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