After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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