Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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