Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
