I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
