I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I love having hate sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
