woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize