I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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