Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sober January is a disaster.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
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You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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