all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
