It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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