I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
