Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
