You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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