just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
