The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
