Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
