After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
