you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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