Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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