My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
