she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize