we have pet lesbian snakes
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
