I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
