I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
