you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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